


The One Where Raphael Saves Simon

by myaleclightwood



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 09:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6464590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myaleclightwood/pseuds/myaleclightwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon Lewis hated being a vampire. He hated everything about it. Until one day, someone showed him that maybe it's not as bad as he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Raphael Saves Simon

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a prompt on tumblr and it was motivated by [This Saphael Queen](http://raphaelsantiagosavedhimself.tumblr.com/) having a masterpost of Saphael fics to read and me having an exceedingly long drive today. The prompt's in the end notes as well as my tumblr.

Simon Lewis hated being a vampire. He hated it. It seemed like everything he wanted to do, he couldn’t. The only good thing was that being the Daylighter he could go out in the sun and live a semi-normal life but even then he couldn’t go visit Clary at the Institute without dying, he couldn’t go see Clary at Luke’s without having a staring contest with whatever wolf was guarding the house, hell he couldn’t even go to the Hotel Dumort to feed without the other vampires glaring at him like they wanted to kill him. It seemed like wherever he went people wanted to kill him simply because he was a vampire. And he didn’t want to be anymore. He just wanted to be done. Every day he hated more and more that Clary made the choice to bring him back. Being dead would be better than living this fake life.

When Simon finally made this realization, the actions following it were easy to decide on. He texted Clary to say goodbye and that he left a note on her pillow at Luke’s with messages to his mom and sister and then found a spot to hole up and die. He remembered Raphael saying it only takes two-three days of not feeding to kill a vampire of his age. Raphael told him that to remind him to feed but now Simon was going to use that knowledge to end himself. He thought about just jumping from the bridge like a normal mundane but he wasn’t a mundane anymore and he didn’t even know if that would even kill him anymore. Any other vampire could just stand out and wait for the sun to rise but even that choice was taken from Simon. No, he figured the best way to die would be to reject the very thing about himself that he hated. The fact that he was a vampire and had to drink blood to survive.

Simon took a long time deciding on where he wanted to die. He needed it to be near or above water so they couldn’t track him, there needed to be solid pipes for him to secure himself to, and there had to be no chance of squatters coming looking for a place to stay. By the time he found one, hours had passed since he’d said goodbye to Clary. He needed to get secure so she couldn’t find him. He couldn’t let her find him. He used the chains he stole from Luke to secure himself to the old, solid piping. He couldn’t risk going made on his way to starvation and running out to feed on any innocent people. When he was secure, he took out the book from his bag and settled in to wait. He was ready to do this. He’d already gone a day without feeding. Only a day or two to go.

***

Clary wiped her forehead down and hung the towel around her neck, smiling at Jace.

“You did good today.” Jace smiled.

“Good enough for a treat?” Clary asked.

Jace smirked. “Depends on what you’re asking for.”

“Well Magnus already took Alec out on a date for the night and Izzy’s off seeing that new guy, so we can’t leave, how about a night in?”

“I’ll find the popcorn.” Jace smiled. 

Clary grinned, grabbing her phone. She’d heard it go off earlier but hadn’t had the time to check it. Her smile dropped when she saw the message. “JACE!” She screamed.

He came racing back into the room. “What?”

“We need to go.” She told him.

“You just pointed out the reasons we can’t leave.” Jace reminded her, walking over to see what was wrong.

“Call the others.” Clary ordered. “Date night’s cancelled. We need to find Simon.”

“Simon? Why? What’s going on?”

Clary showed him her phone with Simon’s message on the screen. “Simon’s going to try and kill himself.”

***

“What’s going on?” Isabelle demanded as she walked into the room. “I nearly had him in my pocket.”

“Izzy.” Alec shot. “Enough.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand, trying to keep him calm. “Shouting will accomplish nothing.” He whispered to Alec.

“What?” She demanded. “Is someone dead?”

“Someone will be if we don’t hurry.” Jace told her.

Izzy immediately sobered up. “What’s going on?”

“Where’s Raphael?” Clary demanded. “It’s past sundown.”

“It takes time to get here.” Jace reminded her. “Even with vampire speed. Try to relax.”

“My best friend left me a suicide text!” Clary exclaimed. “I will not calm down!”

“Simon?” Isabelle asked. “What’s going on?”

“Simon’s going to try to starve himself to death.” Alec told her quietly. “He left a note on Clary’s pillow at her house to explain. Magnus brought it here.”

Magnus silently handed her the paper he had in his hand.

Izzy read it quickly, her eyes filling with tears. “Where is he?”

“If we knew, don’t you think we’d be there.” Clary snapped at her. She took a deep breath. “Sorry Izzy.”

Isabelle nodded. “It’s fine. I know how you must feel.”

Clary smiled sadly.

“Tracking won’t work.” Magnus whispered, holding out his other hand to show her Simon’s favorite shirt. “Not even I have been able to find him.”

Clary made a choked off sound in her throat, obviously holding back tears. Isabelle immediately moved to her side, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly. Jace had the other and between the two of them Clary relaxed a little.

“I can’t lose him.” Clary said quietly, her voice quiet and broken. “He’s my brother. I can’t lose him.”

“You won’t.” Izzy told her. “We’ll find him.”

“How?” Clary asked. “None of our tracking works.”

“Raphael might know something.” Jace reminded her. “It’s fine. He’s coming.”

“He’s here.” Magnus announced, looking at the doors to the Sanctuary opened and Raphael walked in.

“I am sick and tired of being at your beck and call.” He declared. “What could you possibly want now?”

“Simon’s missing.” Jace told him.

“And this is my problem because?”

Clary surged forward, pushing the vampire against the wall and getting in his face. “My best friend left me a suicide note this morning and then found a place to starve himself to death because you felt the need to tell him that he could die of starvation within days. We can’t find him because he was smart enough to find a place near water. I need your help to find him.”

“Simon?” Raphael asked, eyes wide as he glanced around the room. “He’s going to kill himself?”

Izzy marched over and held out the suicide note.

Raphael pushed Clary aside, grabbing the note and reading it through. He winced when he read what Simon said about not even being welcomed by his own kind as a vampire.

“When did he last feed?” He asked, looking at Clary.

“I don’t know.” She told him. “A day or two ago I think.”

Raphael nodded. “So at best we have two days to find him and at worst we have hours. _Dios que idioto._ ”

“Can you find him?” Alec asked.

“Possibly.” Raphael sighed. “I’m not sure though.”

“Try.” Clary told him. “Please.”

“I have no more desire for him to die than you, fledgling.” Raphael told her. He looked at Magnus. “Not even you could find him?”

Magnus shook his head. “I’ve tried but I think he managed to find an old wolf den. They used to have wards preventing even warlocks from tracking them there.”

“Wolves.” Clary said. “Could they track Simon?”

“Not if he covered his scent correctly.” Raphael told her.

“Has he been taught to do that?” Isabelle asked.

“No. Not that I know of.”

“Then let’s try.” Jace decided. “Clary, call Luke. Tell him to get the pack out searching.”

“I will make a call to the clan.” Raphael told him. “We know how to find another one of our kind. They will look. I will attempt to track him myself.”

“And what do you expect us to do?” Clary demanded.

“Think like your best friend and try to figure out where he might have ended up. There is nothing more any of you can do if your tracking does not work. Just don’t get in the way.” Raphael turned to leave but was stopped by Clary’s hand on his arm.

“Raphael.” She pleaded. “Find him. Please.”

Raphael stared at her. “I plan to.”

Clary nodded, seeing the determination in Raphael’s eyes. “Okay.” She let him go and Raphael was gone.

“I’m might be able to summon something that may be able to track him.” Magnus offered. “I need permission though.”

“Anything.” Jace told him. “Do it.”

***

Raphael had only had to track one of his children before, but this one was so much more important. He refused to let Simon die. Not without telling him what Raphael truly felt. He would not let Simon die thinking he wasn’t loved.

By the time the ritual was complete and Raphael had a location, the night was already half over and he knew he would need every second left to find Simon, get him fed, and get him back to the Hotel. He would not let this night end in death. For anyone.

Raphael grabbed his bag, packed with blood bags for Simon, and took off. Lily was leading the vampire clan’s search of their territory. He trusted her. If he was wrong, he hoped she would be able to find him. Better her than any of the wolves.

Raphael arrived at the spot the ritual pointed him to and smiled. It was an old wolves den, warded against warlock magic and right on the river so no Shadowhunter tracking would work either. Simon was at least smart enough to pick a good place to die, meaning he was in a solid state of mind when he found the place. He at least fed in the last 36 hours. There was still time to save him.

The vampire didn’t bother trying the door to the building, just jumped to the open second story window and climbed in. He moved silently, listening closely. He nearly sighed in relief when he heard snarling in the basement of the building. Simon was still fighting.

He worked his way quietly down the stairs and stopped at the bottom in the basement. “Simon.” He called softly. The faint snarling from the darkness at the back of the room quieted. “Simon is that you?”

“Raphael.” He heard. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to stop you from doing this to yourself, _idioto_.” Raphael answered moving forward.

“You can’t.”

“I can.” Raphael told him, still moving. He’d nearly gotten around the center pillar.

“You shouldn’t.” Simon corrected. “It’s my choice.”

“Maybe so, but did you consider the opinions of everyone when you made it?” Raphael asked.

“Don’t try to tell me my mother and sister will miss me.” Simon snarled at him. “My mother hasn’t loved me like a son since I became this monster.”

“You are not a monster.” Raphael spoke softly, finally rounding the corner to see Simon. He was laying there, chained to the pipes of the old building, built to hold under strength of a werewolf easily holding under the weak strength of a starving fledgling. “You have never been a monster.”

Simon scoffed. “Look at me. I can smell the blood in your bag and I’m hungry for it. Only monsters desire things like that. What’s even worse is I can smell that it’s animal blood and it disgusts me that it’s not a human’s.”

Raphael dropped the bag where he was but then kept moving towards Simon, hands raised in a non-threatening stance. “I won’t make you drink it if you truly don’t want to.”

“Then why did you bring it?” Simon asked. “It’s just going to go to waste.”

“Because I’m hoping to convince you to drink it and live through this night.” Raphael admitted. “I won’t make you live, but I would like it if you did.”

“Why?” Simon demanded. “Clary already loves you and the other Shadowhunters don’t hate you anymore, which is about as good as they get with those that aren’t their kind, what could you possibly gain from saving me?”

“I wouldn’t have to watch someone else that I love be taken from me.” Raphael declared, deciding to take this chance.

Simon stopped and stared at him. “What?”

Raphael smiled sadly. “The downfall of being immortal is that sometimes you fall in love with a mortal and then you have to watch them die. Just ask Magnus what it feels like.”

“But you-?”

“I don’t seem the type?” Raphael asked. He shrugged. “The only person I ever loved before died shortly after I was turned. She tried to come and find me at the hotel and one of the other vampires killed her. I killed them in return but it was too late. She was dead and I lost her forever. I really don’t want to carry the guilt of letting someone else I love and care about die in front of me.”

“You-you… _me_?”

Raphael nodded, sitting down not far from Simon. “Yes, _chiquito_ , I care about you. I have for quite some time.”

“But you-you hate me.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Then why don’t you ever talk to me? Or teach me anything? I’ve been a vampire for nearly three years and Jace can still sneak up on me.”

Raphael sighed. “I thought you would be happier if I stayed away from you. After all, I have tried to kill you in the past.”

“I don’t care.” Simon told him, slumping against the wall. “I never cared. You were just protecting your people. It’s nothing any of us wouldn’t have done. Hell, I had the fucking Mark of Cain on my forehead. We all did things during that war we wouldn’t have done otherwise. We’ve gotten over it.”

“I thought I was supposed to be saving you?” Raphael smiled.

Simon shrugged. “There’s no point in you dying with me.”

“Lily would take care of the clan.” Raphael told him.

“You can’t be serious.” Simon declared.

Raphael shrugged. “Simon, I wouldn’t have done a tracking ritual that is technically banned by the Clave to find you if I didn’t care.”

“How did you find me?”

“I’m your sire.” Raphael shrugged again. “It’s not easy and it’s not supposed to be known anymore but I had to find you. You had to know the truth.”

Simon didn’t respond, just looked at the floor. “How did you find out what I was doing?”

“Your best friend’s boyfriend called me and said I needed to go to the Institute immediately and that it was a matter of life and death.” Raphael shrugged. “I didn’t know at first it was you in trouble, otherwise I would have been there a lot faster than I was. When Clary said it was, _dios_ , I didn’t even know how to react. I didn’t know what to think. And your friends showed me the letter you wrote and I’ve never hurt more than reading that you thought your kind all hated for being a Daylighter and that you weren’t welcome at the hotel.”

“They don’t hate me?” Simon asked, looking up a bit.

“At most two of them hate you.”

“Which two?”

“Well Zeke because he’s never gotten over that Ben brought you home from that party as a rat and left him there and Ben because he brought you home from that party instead of Zeke and he has never been forgiven for that.”

“Seriously?” Simon scoffed.

Raphael smiled. “Yes. Immortals can hold a grudge for a very long time.”

“But the rest of them?”

“ _Chiquito_ , they don’t hate you. They’re _jealous_ of you. Most of us will never see another sunrise and yet you have the ability to see every sunrise for the rest of time. They’ll only hate you if you waste that ability.”

Simon looked back at the floor. “And you?”

“I will hate myself for the rest of time for not convincing you that the sunrise is worth it.” He admitted.

Simon bit his lip. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You should decide.” Raphael suggested. “This house isn’t blacked out and if you’re dying here then I guess so I am because I’m not leaving.”

“No.” Simon told him. “You should go. You can’t die for me.”

“It’s my choice. The same as it is yours.”

“I don’t know.” Simon bit his lip again.

Raphael leaned forward as he noticed Simon’s swaying. “Simon?”

“Hm?” He asked, looking up, blinking a few times to bring Raphael’s face back into focus. “What’s happening?”

“You’re dying.” Raphael told him. “Please. I told you I won’t make you drink, but please.”

“Give me one good reason why.”

“Because you’ll be missed.” Raphael said simply. “Because no one realizes how important someone is to them until they aren’t there anymore. Because Clary was falling apart today when she got your message. Because Jace looked lost like he never has before, even through his identity crisis. Because Isabelle didn’t even care when her mascara was running. Because Alec and Magnus never let go of the other’s hand, terrified of losing someone else. Because right now, every member of our clan is combing the territory looking for you and every member of that wolf pack you and your friends are so fond of is trying to track your scent. Because you may think that no one likes you but in truth it is the exact opposite. Everyone cares about you, _I_ care about you. And none of us wants to lose you.”

Simon stared at Raphael for a long moment, swaying slightly as the starvation started to affect him. Finally, he looked at the bag Raphael had dropped earlier. “Give it here.”

Raphael let out the breath he didn’t need and quickly grabbed the bag before going to Simon’s side. He took one bag out and ripped the tab open before handing it to Simon.

Simon’s fangs immediately came out at the smell of the blood.

“Don’t drink too fast.” Raphael whispered. “It’ll upset your stomach if you do.”

“The blood itself upsets me.” Simon spat around drinks.

Raphael smiled slightly. “I’ll teach you the ways to make it manageable.”

“Promise?”

Raphael nodded. “Yes.”

Simon smiled. “Good. Come here?”

Raphael moved to Simon’s side, grabbing and snapping apart the cuffs around his wrists and holding him to the wall. “Drink.” He told him, handing him the next opened bag to replace the empty one in his hand.

Simon took it absently, sucking it down and trying not to think about it. He slowly settled into Raphael’s side, neither of them speaking as Simon drank down five bags of blood before sighing.

“Better?” Raphael asked.

Simon nodded. “We should probably call Clary. Tell her I’m okay.”

“I will.” Raphael nodded. “But right now we should get you back to the Institute.”

“The Institute?”

“The Sanctuary there.” Raphael expanded. “They’ll want to see you and none of them are comfortable at the hotel.”

“Okay.” Simon nodded slowly. “I suppose I need to see them.”

Raphael smiled. “When the night ends, feel free to come to the hotel. I’m sure the clan will be happy to see you.”

Simon smiled back. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Just don’t try to leave me again. Okay?”

Simon nodded. “I promise.”

“Good. Now we should get going if I’m to make sunrise.”

***

“Raphael.” Lily called through the door. “The Daylighter is here to see you.”

Raphael smiled. “The door’s open.”

“Go in.” He heard Lily say before he also heard her heels clicking as she walked away.

There was a long pause before the door actually opened and Simon stepped into the room.

“Hi.” He waved awkwardly.

“ _Hola_.” Raphael smiled. “Come in. I won’t hurt you.”

Simon awkwardly shuffled in, sitting in the chair closest to the door.

Raphael sighed, rolling his eyes. “Simon. Come here.” He ordered, gesturing to the couch Raphael was sitting on.

Simon moved quickly, dropping down onto the other end of the couch.

“What’s wrong?” Raphael asked. “You seem uncomfortable again.”

“Are you sure they don’t hate me?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Raphael said firmly.

“How sure?”

“Very sure.”

Simon nodded. “Okay. But why do they always call me Daylighter? I have a name.”

“It’s considered an epitaph by our people.” Raphael explained. “You are unique and to honor that they refer to you by your title. If you don’t want them to, you can tell them to stop. Or I can do it for you?” Raphael offered.

“Oh.” Simon looked surprised. "I had never realized."

"It was never really explained. And I apologize for that."

“You’re sure then?”

Raphael smiled. “Yes. I am sure. They do not hate you.”

Simon smiled. “Okay.”

“Did you need something else? Or did you just want to talk?”

“I think I just needed to be around someone else.” Simon admitted. “Clary didn’t leave my side once after you dropped me off. She finally had to go to training this morning so I was freed.”

“The hotel is always open for you.” Raphael assured him. “Whether I am here or not.”

“There was one thing I wanted to talk to you about though?”

“Anything.” Raphael said, waving him on.

Simon bit his lip. “This might sound weird.”

“ _Chiquito_ , you’ve ranted to me about space movies I have never seen.” Raphael reminded him with a smile. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay.” Simon nodded, biting his lip again before speaking again. “What are we?”

“You mean us as in the two of us or us as in vampires?” Raphael asked.

“Us.” Simon repeated, waving a hand between them. “I mean last night you saved my life and you told me you love me and then held me while I drank bags of blood so I didn’t die of starvation and then you walked me back to Clary. And now it’s like we’re back to normal. So what gives? What are we?”

“We can be whatever you wish.” Raphael told him. “I meant what I said last night. I will never force anything upon you. This is your decision and I will respect it, no matter what it is.”

“And if I decided I wanted to kiss you?”

Raphael smiled. “I would welcome it gladly.”

“Okay.” Simon nodded. Between one second and the next, Simon crossed the distance between them, pressing his lips against Raphael’s. There was no speed to it, just a slow press together that had Simon feeling light-headed by the time he pulled away again. At some point he’d moved into Raphael’s lap so he didn’t have to move far. He just smiled at Raphael.

“Hi.” He whispered.

Raphael smiled back at him. “ _Hola amorcito_.”

“So what if I wanted to call you my boyfriend? Is that cool as well?”

Raphael laughed. “Of course.”

Simon grinned. “Awesome. I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

“Nor have I.” Raphael told him.

“So I’m special?”

“More than you will ever know.”

Simon grinned. Maybe being a vampire wasn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorta prompt: “I was feeling really upset so you sat me down and looked me in the eyes and told me all the things you love about me and somehow it went from words of affirmation to the slowest, most intense kiss I’ve ever experienced but when it was over you just got up and pretended like nothing happened and now I don’t know what to do I think I might have legitimately just fallen in love with you?? !”
> 
> My tumblr's [here.](http://mymalecshinesbright.tumblr.com/)


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